I need a vacation! What I really mean is, I need time away from everything, from responsibility, from taking care of everyone and everything. I need time away to sit and relax, to sleep, to unwind. Unfortunately, I probably won't be getting a vacation of any type this year. What does this have to do with "one or two"? Well, it's just that. If I feel this way, so overwhelmed with one child, how can I possibly think about having two?
Ever since I was little I can remember wanting to be a Mom, a Mom of two. For a while I wanted twins... thank goodness that didn't happen! (I definitely had their names picked out by age 8.) The older I got and thought about my future plans I decided I'd prefer for my children to be about 3 years apart. That won't be happening if I have any say in it. So what happened to the girl who was so sure she wanted two children? A strong willed child!!! That's what.
Miss A has been a good child, she really has been. I think we've faced the same problems that most parents face. Sleepless nights, colicky phases, the terrible twos... And for all those times we've had great joys as well. We love her more than words can express, but the whole situation definitely makes me question that second child.
I have several friends who have had their children close together. I often think, if they had waited until their first child was two, they would have re-thought that. But maybe not. Maybe they are better with stress than I am. Maybe they have more help than I do (family close by, a hubbs that is home more, etc...). Then there are the friends who have the most compliant children in the world. I have no clue what that would be like! One friend in particular, she is on #3, with two little girls that are so overly compliant. It doesn't seem real, like they are living in a different world. But my life isn't theirs, and their's isn't mine. Two (or more) totally different circumstances.
What would our life be like if we added another child? I usually only see stress and more frustration. But I can force myself to think of the advantages... and honestly I like the advantages. Miss A would have a sibling, something I didn't have. A friend to play with all the time. She'd have someone else if and when something happens to the Hubbs and myself. Things would be more hectic, but fun too. Things would be more challenging, but that only helps us to grow right?
I think I'm too tired to think straight right now. My mind keeps going in circles. And this is one of those exact moments when I think I'm totally crazy to even consider adding to our family. Maybe our mini vacation, really a weekend away, will help me to feel less stressed. And maybe another year or two with only Miss. A will help too. :o)
I won't count #2 completely out, just yet. I still have that desire. It's the moments where I'm overstressed, overwhelmed and overly tired (okay I'm always tired) that I think there is no way possible that I could manage. I have no idea what the future holds, or what God has in mind. I like change, so maybe we'll change things up eventually.
Another post of just rambling... sorry!